Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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