how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
