I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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