HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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