Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There r osticjed everywhere
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
