and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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