it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
