New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
