you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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