he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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