I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
