Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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