____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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