this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
