it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
