dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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