don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
