I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Terrible idea I love it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
