Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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