He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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