Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
