I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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