I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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