I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
