Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
