I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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