i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
