god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
