My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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