what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize