i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize