dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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