I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
