non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
