Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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