I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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