I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
