I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize