Your mouth is God's brothel.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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