Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My dick has a subreddit
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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