Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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