i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
