i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
