As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
