Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
