none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
