At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
