508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
