I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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