Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
