the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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