a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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