Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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