if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
