I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
