you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
