there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
