He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
