Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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