3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
