i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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