Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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