I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
