Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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